The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
