grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
It's shark week go big or go home
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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