i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
