Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
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Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
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Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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