i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
