I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I have post one night stand depression
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