Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
