did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
