roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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