Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
I just found puke in my bra..
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
