Capitaan dildo arrescate!
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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