What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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