Three words: puerto rican gang bang
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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