Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
