i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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