We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
