She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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