Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
