I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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