at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
