I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Its about making memories worth repressing
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Randomize
