Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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