You're so nebulous sometimes
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
