i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
