I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
