So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
