I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
