your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
