I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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