I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
