dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
