I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Randomize
