love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
