There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
