I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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