I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I touched a dick in church today
Fuck me I smell like cheese
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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