No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
