By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
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