can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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