it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
