We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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