I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I think I am morally bankrupt
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
