well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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