I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
