Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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