Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
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Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
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The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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