If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
