I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Randomize
