i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
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