I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize