im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
