he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
