I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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