he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
