I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
