I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
