I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
