So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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