I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
