I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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