We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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