Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
