filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
