I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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