he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
