I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I just cut my nipple shaving
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
